So I took a leap of faith

It's odd for me to act upon faith. I tend to have little or no faith in myself, others or the world's humanity at large. Emotionally though, I am at a low. Should I stay or go? Should we work or give up? Where will we be in a year/five years/twenty years? How can I justify my own feelings in the realm of being a mother, wife and individual? So I am taking a bit of faith, as a test. I need something to help me reflect on how things are and how I want them to be.

I have been drawn to Tarot since about the age of 18. I was working in a Barnes and Noble for the summer when I came upon the cards. I gave up on organized religion a few years before and the idea of Tarot intrigued me. Never did I buy the cards though. They remained a mystery to me even as I went on to Arizona to study, leaving my lead bookseller job behind me in Texas.

Later in life, several times, I was drawn back to Tarot whether just in passing decks in a store or actively seeking it online. I have read about it, not so much before as lately, and had always regarding it with a sense of skepticism. The problem then remained: Why when I pulled a card, had one pulled for me or did one online, did it speak to me? Was it because the cards are meant to be insights into personal lives by being vague on purpose? Was it my lack of meaning searching for meaning in anything?

I do not know. But I do know that I bought a deck. I walked past it, went back and scanned the shelf again and picked out the one that was right for me. I also ordered the Rider-Waite online to have a basic set to practice with. The first deck though, the one I purchased today in person is The Medieval Scapini deck. I thought about it, thought some more and then continued thinking. I thought about it while Allie played in the kids' section with the trains. I decided to give it a try. So I came home, shuffled the deck, concentrated on my thoughts of today and then pulled a card. It wasn't just any card; it was the one that practically sparkled when the light caught it just right. So I chose it, taking that leap of faith that I spoke of earlier. It was the three of coins (pentacles). I read about it on many sites, focused on the picture of the card I drew and reflected on it. So shall I do everyday for at least two weeks to help bring insight into my life.

Today's questions for me to be thinking about:

What am I doing in my life to bring about the future I want? What planning am I doing? What steps am I taking? What am I creating that will increase my chances of that future I dream of? What skills am I working on?

What can I do today (planning, work, learning) that will increase my chances of future and present happiness?

If anyone else has insight or a better explanation or focus for this card, I would be grateful if you would let me know. I am looking for further insight so I want to fully explore my mind. Maybe then I can move forward and fix my oh so stuck situation in life with a clear head and motivated personal purpose.

He's gone

Well not for good. A went to Dallas for the weekend, because Rabbit in the Moon is spinning Saturday night downtown. So it's the kids and I until Tuesday by ourselves. School begins Monday and I hope the day goes well. Last semester I overslept and missed the first day of classes >.<. I am trying not to do something so foolish this time around.

The landlady is coming tomorrow to take a look at some of the things wrong with this place. Some are security issues so I won't post them, but hopefully they get fixed asap. Also, there is an electrical problem, so hopefully that will get fixed too.

One thing to dance about...my guitar shipped today. Hopefully I'll have it by the middle of next week.

I've been reading a lot lately about small homes. I am not talking about "small homes" that are ~1500 sq ft. I am talking about some of the ones I have linked on the right. Check out Tumbleweed Homes. Of the ones listed, I dream of having the Harbinger, which just happens to be the name of something I like to read.

So boring day today. We are going to hook up the dryer, because I have got to do some laundry and the sun isn't out yet again. I need to clean house as I am feeling better today. I ended up finally getting 7.5 hours of sleep last night.

Booger is home and I didn't realize how loud she really is until I have a week of silence. I missed that noise terribly.

CM knows where "eyes" are now. Oh, and he figured out that daddy fakes it when daddy "drinks" CM's drink (like when CM offers it to him). He showed us this by pretending to drink it himself then handing it back to daddy.

Relaxation

So I didn't end up going to Norman. I didn't today either. CM was up incredibly late last night due to the thunder, so that means I was too. I did end up almost finishing Booger's curtains though. I am just about to attach the loops to the tops. Then I have to hang the bracket and put them up. Other than that, all that is left to do in her room is paint her cabinet, touch up the paint on her shelf and drill the holes for the other bracer (I already have one up). She is going to be surprised when we pick her up on Sunday. I still need to finish their quilts, but, with school beginning in 1.5 weeks, I don't know how long that is going to take. I am working towards it though!

I gain access to my classes' syllabuses on the 18th and can't wait. I need to begin planning out my study and reading schedule so I can stay ahead. With two kids, 17 hours of classes and a PT job, scheduling is everything!

New blog

So here I am...first post again. How many times have I tried to do this and failed. I want this blog to be a running diary in a way. A record of life and insight. Wow, that's probably more deep than this'll get, but I wanted to try.

It's 3:50 in the morning and, yet again, I can't sleep. No one is awake. Booger is in Dallas at Grandma's for the week. It's so quiet. I need to go to Norman and drop off my residency paper so that disbursement goes smooth. Perhaps, today, I shall do that.

Oh, and to all my Hippymom cohorts out there :wave!