So I took a leap of faith

It's odd for me to act upon faith. I tend to have little or no faith in myself, others or the world's humanity at large. Emotionally though, I am at a low. Should I stay or go? Should we work or give up? Where will we be in a year/five years/twenty years? How can I justify my own feelings in the realm of being a mother, wife and individual? So I am taking a bit of faith, as a test. I need something to help me reflect on how things are and how I want them to be.

I have been drawn to Tarot since about the age of 18. I was working in a Barnes and Noble for the summer when I came upon the cards. I gave up on organized religion a few years before and the idea of Tarot intrigued me. Never did I buy the cards though. They remained a mystery to me even as I went on to Arizona to study, leaving my lead bookseller job behind me in Texas.

Later in life, several times, I was drawn back to Tarot whether just in passing decks in a store or actively seeking it online. I have read about it, not so much before as lately, and had always regarding it with a sense of skepticism. The problem then remained: Why when I pulled a card, had one pulled for me or did one online, did it speak to me? Was it because the cards are meant to be insights into personal lives by being vague on purpose? Was it my lack of meaning searching for meaning in anything?

I do not know. But I do know that I bought a deck. I walked past it, went back and scanned the shelf again and picked out the one that was right for me. I also ordered the Rider-Waite online to have a basic set to practice with. The first deck though, the one I purchased today in person is The Medieval Scapini deck. I thought about it, thought some more and then continued thinking. I thought about it while Allie played in the kids' section with the trains. I decided to give it a try. So I came home, shuffled the deck, concentrated on my thoughts of today and then pulled a card. It wasn't just any card; it was the one that practically sparkled when the light caught it just right. So I chose it, taking that leap of faith that I spoke of earlier. It was the three of coins (pentacles). I read about it on many sites, focused on the picture of the card I drew and reflected on it. So shall I do everyday for at least two weeks to help bring insight into my life.

Today's questions for me to be thinking about:

What am I doing in my life to bring about the future I want? What planning am I doing? What steps am I taking? What am I creating that will increase my chances of that future I dream of? What skills am I working on?

What can I do today (planning, work, learning) that will increase my chances of future and present happiness?

If anyone else has insight or a better explanation or focus for this card, I would be grateful if you would let me know. I am looking for further insight so I want to fully explore my mind. Maybe then I can move forward and fix my oh so stuck situation in life with a clear head and motivated personal purpose.